On The Light Side

Solomon reminds us that “a merry heart doeth good like a medicine.” (Provs. 17:22) We have all been in very tense, maybe nerve-racking situations, when some wag uttered an utterly ridiculous thought that caused even the most wearisome among us to laugh. There was always in school—and maybe there is in every family—someone whose genius was to find something humorous to comment on that would relieve the pent-up tensions.

Now, there is undoubtedly a time and place for everything, but few of us can remember a time when the world was closer to a boiling point than now. With the Middle East a tinderbox, the recent hurricane holocaust, and the political pit bulls growling and sneering loudly—maybe, just maybe, something should be offered to lighten life up just a bit.

Admittedly, humor is not my “bailiwick,” but I can borrow a laugh or two now and then, so I am going to share with you, my faithful readers, a few items you probably have all read or heard before. But they never fail to bring a chuckle—much like an old routine of Red Skelton, Lucille Ball, or Jackie Gleason (for you old-timers). Here, then, are some church-bulletin bloopers for your enjoyment once again:

•  The third verse of “Blessed Assurance” will be sung without musical accomplishment.
• During the minister’s illness, a bulletin: “GOD IS GOOD. Dr. Hargreaves is better.
• Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
• The concert in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks to the minister’s daughter who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
• The Reverend Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 members to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• Evening massage: 6 p.m.
• The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
• The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
• Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
• Reminder of the upcoming National Prayer and Fasting Conference. The cost includes meals.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” to the obvious delight of the audience.
• Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.
• The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
• The morning sermon: “Jesus Walks On the Water.” Tonight’s message: “Searching for Jesus.”
• Next Thursday will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
• The Rector will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy.”
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick in our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24^th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind, and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to the choir practice.
• The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
• Attend and you will enjoy an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
• Potluck supper at 5 p.m. and prayer and medication to follow.
• This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
• On Sunday a collection will be taken to defray the expense of the new carpet. All wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.

Ok, enough for now. And, most of these no doubt occurred before “spell-check!”

“All the days of the afflicted are evil: but he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.” (Provs. 15:15)