Suppose you and a long-time friend come to an impasse over an issue on which you cannot come to an agreement. Or, you and a fellow believer with whom you have worshipped and served the Lord for years have what seems to be an irreconcilable conflict. Or, maybe you and a family member have had a heated argument, and neither of you have spoken to each other for months or even years. It just might be a debate that is ongoing with your pastor or a spiritual leader in your church, and has become a decided difference for which there appears to be no plausible solution. Yet it is hindering your work for Christ and your worship of Him.
Such scenarios are not just in the realm of possibility; in this sin-cursed world there have been stand-offs between loved ones and leaders, next of kin and neighbors, bosses and buddies, siblings and saints, since the earliest days of recorded history. Some have erupted into wars of words, some into wars with weapons. More often than not, the fruit of such conflict is alienation rather than adoration, divorce rather than devotion. It happens in homes, work places, worship centers, halls of Congress and, in reality, just about everywhere that people are in relationship with people, there possibly will be—or probably has been—unresolved conflict.
Paul the apostle—who had a parting of the ways with his dear ministry companion, Barnabas, early in his missionary ministry—would later write to the almost “model” church a letter in which he would “beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.” (Phil. 4:2) There have, through the course of more than two thousand years of history of the church that Jesus founded, been countless thousands of local churches that have split over differing mind-sets, resulting in the launch of “new” churches. Divide and multiply might have been a mantra of too many churches—to the shame of bodies of Bible-believers—on every continent and in every age.
It would not be unreasonable to surmise that everyone reading this has been near, or in the middle of, a heart-rending conflict between family members, friends, or fellow believers. I could write many of these blogs giving sad sagas of such conflicts. I will spare you the unseemly details; yet, in the hope of helping someone who may read this or who may know someone that might need a word of encouragement, I want to offer some Biblical directives on dealing with matters between Christians in conflict:
- First, pray! God grieves when His own are at odds with one another, and God is not the author of confusion. So, beseech His “Throne of mercy” to find the needed grace to help in time of need. (Hebs. 4:16). Pray for grace, for wisdom, for His intervention and leading. God may lead you and use you to do something more than to pray; but you can be certain that He will not use you—either as one concerned or as one conflicted—to do anything unless or until you have prayed.
- Yield to the Holy Spirit. He is our God-given Comforter (encourager). He indwells every believer, and will direct every believer who is yielded to Him. It is His desire that there be “no schism” in the Body, so do not make one move unless you have yielded to the Holy Spirit’s leadership.
- Consider yourself first. Is your heart right with God? Are you committed to doing what God’s Word tells you to do? Is there humility in your spirit? Before you approach another person who is in conflict or with whom you are experiencing conflict, read prayerfully Galatians 6:1,2. You (we) must consider yourself and determine not to take another step unless you are doing so in meekness and in fear.
- Determine by the grace of God that you will do right and leave the consequences with God. You are only one; but you are one. You cannot do everything, but you can do something; and what you can do you should do, so by His grace say to yourself, “That I will do.”
- Keep a godly attitude. Remember what one wise preacher wrote a book about: “The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company, a church, a home…I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.” (Chuck Swindoll)
- Make sure your words, thoughts, and deeds are motivated by unfeigned love. (Romans 12:9; I Thess. 4:9, 2 Cor. 6:6)
- Weigh your words. Rev. Newman Smith had a doctrinal difference with Baptist preacher Robert Hall; so Smith wrote a scathing pamphlet denouncing Hall. He struggled over the right title for the pamphlet, so he sent a copy to a friend, asking him to read it and suggest a title. Smith, it seems, had previously written a tract called “Come to Jesus.” So, having read the pamphlet, the friend wrote a brief note back to Rev. Smith: “The title I suggest for your pamphlet is ‘Go to Hell’ by the author of ‘Come to Jesus.’” Professor Haddon Robinson, who shared this story, said, “We should ask ourselves these questions, ‘Is this what God wants me to say?’ and ‘Is this how He wants me to say it?’”
So, we will not be able to avoid every conflict, but we can with confidence face each one in the right spirit and with God’s guidelines in place. Remember the quaint verse: “To dwell above with saints we love, O that will be glory. But to dwell below with saints we know, well, that’s another story!” God help us all to “do right ‘till the stars fall!” (Dr. Bob Jones, Sr.)
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Ps. 133:1)
YOU and GOD 